Wanna see me kiss a girl?

You clicked on this link because you were interested in me kissing a girl, but you probably turned the channel when Love and Hip Hop's Miles was about to kiss his boyfriend Milan. SHAME ON YOU!

Recent scholarship in American TV studies has shown that television programs have failed to explore and demonstrate the dynamics of two particular characters, one of them being homosexuals. Julie D'Acci's "Television, Representation, and Gender" conceives television as a "technology, and as a social, economic, cultural, and ideological institution" (373).  D'Acci goes on to argue that "television's schedule, its information, and its stories have active roles in shaping the ways TV viewers think about themselves and feel about themselves in their world" (373). Meaning, television not only produces images and sounds, but it produces citizens. TV is a common and popular medium that informs the ways in which we act, think, and treat other people.

Up until recently television shows have refused to display homosexual relationships. Now, we have a couple of hit shows--Modern Family, Empire, Glee--that thrive on their homosexual co-stars, however, it is important to note that rarely ever is a homosexual the protagonist in a show and their lives, especially not their love lives, are not explored in depth. It is nice that homosexuals are on screen now, but we're still not getting to know them. Their characters are always supportive other their heterosexual friend's relationships--especially during breakups--but what about their own relationships. Why don't we get to hear their intimate conversations, experience their fights, watch their kissing scenes (well we do if it's two girls smh). My point is, by censoring homosexual relationships we are giving the impression that 1) they don't exist and 2) they're not ok.

That is until Love and Hip Hop finally did something right. For years now, we have been watching these has-been music stars try to earn some extra cash and grip on tight to the last bit of publicity they can get,   just to see the same ol' shit every time. So and so is sleeping with this girl's baby daddy, this dude is always in the studio, but never puts out an album, while this bum chick is trying to fight another bum chick over a worthless man. Drinks go flying, weaves get pulled, someone comes out with a lipstick line, and Mona wraps up the season finale with a professional spill that fails to mask how ratchet her show is.

For so long, Love and Hip Hop has been degrading the black community. They're making a mockery of hip hop, they're disrespecting our bodies, making fun of our refusal to commit to our significant others, and profiting on our pride, negligence, and lack of manners. But now, they're actually showing something worth watching. Miles and Milan are more than two gay men, with I'm sure their own ratchet drama, of course. They are one of the first homosexual couples that will get the opportunity to demonstrate the dynamics of a homosexual relationship on TV! This is a big freaking deal. Because guess what! That other underrepresented group that I mentioned earlier is….yep you guessed it….African Americans.

African Americans and homosexuals have yet to secure leading roles, consistent roles, and/or well-developed roles in American TV. Shows such as Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, and Empire are opening doors for more shows to have a dominantly Black cast. But guess what, those shows just started airing, which means we're just now getting our foot in the door. So don't close it!!!! Two men kissing may not be as sexy as two lesbians kissing, but it has meaning.

Here's my point. Our lives are not being documented well, accurately, or in depth, if at all on television. If television is an institution that influences the way we think about the world, our absence on screen is confirmation that our bodies aren't worth being seen, heard, explored, or appreciated. In no way am I trying to equate Blackness to homosexuality or vice versa, but I do want to articulate that both communities are struggling to be valued. I also want to reiterate that these two communities are not binaries nor are the enemies, they do overlap. When you chant #blacklives matter, I need you to know that our straight black men are not the only ones being hated, harassed, gun downed, exterminated. Our black homosexual males are suffering too.

Love and Hip Hop does not provide the best representations of Black people, but it's representation nonetheless. Miles and Milan are a game changer for the show and for American TV. We are finally being seen, so watch.

Stop Blaming Me for Your Failures

A few months ago I was accepted to attend a partially-funded study abroad trip. Although it was my second time overseas I was ecstatic to be accepted on the trip. I had applied for the same trip the year before and was rejected. Devastated, but determined, I told myself not to give up. I reapplied the following fall semester, and heard the good news right before Christmas. I spent the whole spring semester, up until my departure in May, saving up for the trip. Unfortunately, attending the trip meant I would miss both my mother and my sister's birthday. But I couldn't pass up the trip, and of course they understood. I later spent a great deal of time searching for the perfect birthday presents for them lol.

About a week into a trip I received an email from one of my best friends. I was thrilled to have contact from back home. The first time I studied abroad I rarely had access to the internet. I felt alone and disconnected. As I read the email my excitement transitioned into disappointment, then confusion, then anger. As I contented to read, I learned that her "I miss having you as a friend" subject line meant that she had defriended and neglected to tell me or act like it. Her email explained that her "beef" with me was in my success and what she perceived as her failures She said she blamed me for having the life she wanted, for making it when she couldn't, for reaching all of my goals.

The irony in the situation lies in the setting. I was the one who had failed. I was reading this email from a gorgeous Moroccan-themed hotel room in Brussels, Belgium that I barely got to be in.  As I said, I was rejected from the trip the first time and I sacrificed priceless moments with my family to be in a foreign country with strangers. She, on the other hand, was writing this email from behind a desk at her well-paying job, that she received after we obtained our degrees, located a few minutes from her family. Maybe I did leave her behind. Perhaps I am to blame for her failure… But how, when the person on the other end of the email participated in my success as much as I contributed to hers. We worked on each other mentally, physically, and professionally. We studied together, we got honors together, we got degrees together. There was no way she was a failure, at least not to me.

For over four years we constructed a bond, a sisterhood. And here she was telling me she wanted our friendship back, I didn't even know we lost it. Her words upset me, not because I was naive enough to believe her insecurities were a result of my success, but because it wasn't the first time I've recieved this message.

I've been put down every time I came up. My whole life, I've been criticized for every opportunity I have accepted, because "I make it look too easy." Whether it is from my classmates, my friends, or my family I have been the object of negativity, jealousy, and hate. I imagine, I'm not the only one who has experienced this, which means the bigger picture is much more problematic then my little miserable email.

So what is it that makes a successful person the object of scrutiny? Why are we secretly hated instead of admired or praised?

I was told that if a friend turns into an enemy than they were never a friend. But I believe that if a friend ends up hating me, their problem isn't with me, their problem is that they never loved themselves. We live in a world where it's thought to be more productive to compete instead of collaborate. One should only compete when there's a threat, and one should only feel threatened when they are unsure of themselves. The insecurity in our community is at an all time high! And it will destroy us. We have to learn to  address our issues with one another. Envying our sisters and bothers  will only manifest into self-hate. We have enough people against us, we cannot afford to be out to get one another too.